Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Pirates and postal workers.

Its happened a few times, at my favourite pub, there have been a few instances where me and my friends have seen people that look like celebrities. One time there was a guy who looked like Danny Devito, another time there was a guy who looked so much like billy Joel that we actually thought he WAS Billy Joel untill he was standing closer and it turned out he was Dutch, which I actually like the idea of. Just imagine it.

Vee Didn't schtaat ze fire!

Anyway. the other night at the pub, I noticed my friend manny looking over my shoulder and having an expression that might've suggested if she kept her laughter in any longer, her face might explode. I super casually looked over my own shoulder, and foud that the man sitting directly behind me was a pirate. I dont even know if i should describe him, basically if i just wlaked up to you and said, 'Think of a pirate please' then the image you've just conjured up is probably exactly what he looked like. Thing is, now that I had pirates on the brain, if affected me and my friends on odd ways. A few days later I was at the shopping complex with my Friend Hoggot, and we stuck behind this man on the escallator and found our selves in an awquard situation because we just had to stand there and pretend we weren't laughing at his eye patch.

 'haha, your lack of depth perception ammuses me ya scurvey sea dog!' not cool.


One thing that i've always like about Australia is that our postmen ride motorbikes, i just like that. and the other day while i was driving home from the shopping complex having just laughing at a man for having one eye, i was driving behind a postal worker on his motorbike. up ahead, andother postal worker was riding his bike the other side of the road coming in our direction. Now, I know theres a brotherhood and comradery in alot of professions, like truckies and cabbies and stuff will often give each other a bit of a solute when they pass, but I've found out that the Posties have taken it to the next level. as they passed each other, they hi-fived.

like this
brooom brrrmm brrrmmmm yo! SLAP! brroooommm  brrrm brrrmmmm

that a 120km hi five!

then they did a bit of a fist pump, i dont know if thats part of their ritual, or they were just shaking their hands cos that hi-five would've  make their hands tingle like a mother-bitch.

I'm not fixing my spelling mistakes today.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Shit!! No Brakes!!.........AGAIN!!!!

Third time for me, I'm not too lucky when it comes to brakes on vehicles. Actually, on second thoughts, maybe I'm very lucky when it comes to brakes on cars, considering on three seperate occasion, I have been driving a car, the brakes have failed, and I have always managed to walk away from it totally unharmed, car unharmed too. AAAACTUALLY, interesting thing is, about a week before the first time it happened, I bought a book called 'the worst case scenario hand-book' and it had all these instructions for what to do in all these terrible situations. Things like 'how to land a plane on water', or 'how to jump from one building to another' aaaaand 'What to do if your car brakes fail'. Thankfully i read it and REMEMBERED it. Totally kept my cool...like the fonz y'all.

I fucked your girlfriend lol.

Oh! and another ting. Haven't blogged for freakin ages cos some crack heads stole my lap top out of my car while I was at a pub quiz. Shit house, came third in the quiz, so no bar coupon so thats just epically shit to begin with, and then! My lap top, my mystical portal to the outside world and staple instrument of internet piracy, and someone had the nerve and tenacity to steal it! PRICKS!!!!

But hey, got my ew laptop now and its killer awesome. Slight problem though, is that I've been downloading so much stuff, that I've maxed out the download capacity...at work. It's bad, cos no one has said anyhting yet, and the internet has slowed down to dial up speeds,  and I hate that, the internet you remember as a ten year old, when you would wait fifteen minutes for the other breast to load. Anyway, I'm rambling,

I'm gonna go sniff some glue and watch ghostbusters, let's see where that gets me.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010


Well guess what? Nothing much has happened to me of late because i work and am in saving mode. So basically thats just means that when i finish work, i go home and drink beer and watch youtube unstill i fall asleep.  rock. Oh except this weekend, going to the wineries on sunday for my mates birthday, gonna be awesome. Yeah but anyway, the interesting thing today is that i was at the marion shopping mall and there was a guy there dressed as a gorilla.

OH, HAI !!!!!
That not the thing that got to me though, cos it wasn't a guy wearing a gorilla suit to promote some store or something. He wasn't handin out flyers about a new smoothie place or telling us that we should all eat more fruit. You want to know what the man in the gorilla suit was doing in the shopping mall? it's actually pretty obvious. you want to know?

He was shopping.

Yep, he was there for the same reason as everyone else, off to the shops to gets some bits and bobs. There he is, with his trolley, and his bags and his assorted cerials and potato chips and etc, he even was wearing a back pack. We're talking about a perfectly normal shopping situation here....


And yet, why not? you know? I like it the more i think about it, i just imagine this movie style montage of that guy infront of the mirror trying to suss out what he was gonna wear down at the shops. 'Hmmmm, khaki shorts?, striped t-shirt? no. hooded sweat shirt? Hmmm well its early spring, its not too hot yet but its not overy cold either....what to wear?.................Fuck it, Gorilla suit.' Bang.

 I would've taken a photo, just he was bieng pretty closely protected by Sigorney Weaver.

And it was misty.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Bollywood attemps American hip hop, fails wonderfully.

But still entertaining i must admit. observe:

Step on up the mood,
and be a cool dude.
Come alive now,
and gimmie what you got
Chill out Back bang boogie woogie
bing bang biggie to the beat.

Did you spot my shameless advertising too? Don't feel bad if you didn't, it comes on at the same time as the Indian cheerleaders with pig-tails. I know what i was lookin at. Right homie?

Fo' Shizz bitches.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Oh. Holy. Shit.

Guys, I'm just posting a quick one today because i had to share this, i just had to. This is probably the best thing i have ever seen in my entire life. And I've seen a woman head-butt her five year old daughter in a shop.

Please, just watch this, and enjoy the rest of your day. you're welcome.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Cloud gazing just paid off

Just a quick one, earlier, i was sledge-hammering (its a word, look it up) some concrete and it took ages and i got really really puffed out, so i had a bit of a lie down. so there i am gazing up at the sky when a cloud drifts past. now, i've seen clouds that look like things before, but i'm talking abut it looking like a tree, or a dog, or ghost (like Patrick Swayze...what, too soon?) but i shit you not, the cloud i saw yeterday looked exactly like the frog from the warner brothers cartoons that whips out a top hat and sings for that one guy.

I swear to God.

You know the one? and then he just sits there and ribbets (its a word, look it up) when that one man tries to show it to other people, thus rendering people's public perception of said man as a bat-shit crazy lunatic. Aptly enough, when i tried to point it out to my co-worker, thats the look he gave me, cos the cloud then looked like this.


Its Go Time

My weapon is a mobile phone, so i guess i'd try and use it to call someone with a better weapon
...like a wet freakin towel.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Dance like nobody's filming

There are somehtings that will always warm the soul, watching someone dancing to a song they love is certainly one of them, the only thing better really is FILMING someone dancing to a song they love, especially when they dont realise for ages and eventually dance their way over to you in order to seize your camera. this, my friends, is one of those moments. My friend 'The Twinch' has a slight obsessive compulsive disorder, its not very noticable at all....unless that is of course if you put on Kate Bush's 'Wuthuring Heights', then it becomes slightly more noticable. upon hearing the sweet melodies of ' the Bush', The Twinch MUST dance the dance from the filmclip of said song, no matter what pubs, parties, average sidewalk, i've seen it all.

I am putting it in my will, in the event of The Twinch attending my funeral (and that i doubt, after this post) that someones got to crank some KB, cos we all know whats gonn happen.

"you can do the dance on my grave if it makes you feel better Twinch!'

First Blogs alway suck,

It's like going to a party hosted by your friend's friend who you met once about a year before but it was easter weekend and you were both pissed and spent a grand total of thirty seconds talking together, six months of seeing each other in the super market and commando rolling into the fruit section so that you dont make eye contact and be forced to make that cool 'whassup' head bob thing that you've practised doing in the mirror (piss off, you have). two months of no contact untill he kinda waved at you from a bus, and now here you are at his party with all his friends. HIS friends... not YOUR friends. where was i going with this? ah, first blog/ friend of friends party analogy. lets review, your at the party (or interweb) and your thinking shit, better say or do something other than lean on the wall and smile and pretend im in on the conversation that the two closest people to me are having, (or sit on your bed, reading other peoples blogs to try and steal shit off of while watching  Glee topgear).  Either way, you eventually decide its time for your imput on the situation, you say something, its not that memorable and people get back to their lives (or, you eventually you TYPE something, its not that memorable and people get back to their lols) either way, its a step right? if your lucky, you have a good vid on you phone that will give the party goers a cheap laugh before they forget you completley, or if your lucky, they will see you out and about and maybe just maybe, turn to each other and say 'wasn't he that guy that time who showed us that video of that guy getting hit in the face with a ball?'

Either way, glad thats out of the way and look forward to returning with something of some merit next time i hope. In the mean time, i hopeyou enjoy this video...of a guy getting hit in the face with a ball.

Great party man, really, great party.